Type 4

Type 4 ~ The Romantic


Your Basic Proposition

The original ideal state of deep and complete connection to all things goes into the background in a world that you perceive abandons you, leaving something important missing. You come to believe that you can regain the lost ideal love or perfect state by finding the love or situation that is unique, special and fulfilling. Concurrently, you develop envy and longing over what you idealize but is unavailable. Your attention naturally goes to what is missing and deemed important. Introjection glues the structure together by helping you take inside the idealized other to lessen the pain of loss. Your ultimate concern or fear is being deficient and abandoned. As compensation you sometimes control and dominate by becoming disappointed in others, self-absorbed, unsatisfied with what is, moody, demanding to feel understood as special and unique; and repeatedly feeling unfulfilled.


What stresses you and makes you most personally reactive:  People letting you down; disappointing you or visa versa; being left because of your deficiency; not being recognized or feeling understood as special and unique; and/or repeatedly feeling unfulfilled.

These reactions block you from feeling loved, regardless of deficiencies, and ultimately your experience of gratitude and equanimity for what is present.

Your Strengths:  Sensitivity, empathy (especially with suffering), a creative disposition, attunement to feelings, intensity, idealism, appreciative of the unique and extraordinary, and being passionate and idealistic.

The Central Theme for Your Healing and Development:

  • Accept that wholeness and realness exist now in the present moment
  • Focus on what is present and “what is,” rather than what is missing
  • Resist domination by your strong and sometimes fluctuating feelings while acknowledging their authenticity
  • Sustain a steady course of action even in the presence of intense feelings
  • Fill in the middle by your appreciating the ordinary
  • Separate your self-esteem from being special or extraordinary

Healing and development for you ironically involves your turning away from the outward search for the ultimate ideal, deep heart connection, and complete fulfillment where nothing of substance is missing which only serve to perpetuate your dilemma. All the well-intentioned searching in the wrong place doesn’t give the desired result. It just creates more intense feelings of deficiency and longing. You are blind to having abandoned your own heart and need to love yourself as you are. So the primary task for Romantics is to realize that wholeness and completeness come with your acceptance and appreciation of what is here now in the present moment, from the inside out, not from the outside in. Disappointments and deficiencies are part of the fabric of life, not of deficiency of being

 


Strategies for Your Self-Development and Fulfillment Relationships
  • Accept that wholeness and realness exist now in the present moment
  • Focus on what is present and “what is,” rather than what is missing
  • Resist domination by your strong and sometimes fluctuating feelings while acknowledging their authenticity
  • Sustain a steady course of action even in the presence of intense feelings
  • Fill in the middle by your appreciating the ordinary
  • Separate your self-esteem from being special or extraordinary

 


How Others Can Assist Your Relationship Development
    • Encourage your Romantics to not be overrun by feelings, and to appreciate what is positive in the present moment
    • Show them that you understand (empathy first before help)
    • Stay steady when their feelings are intense and reveal your own feelings and reactions
    • Appreciate the their idealism
    • Let the Four know that they are lovable separate from identification specialness