Relationships | Intimacy

A Most Important Topic:  How and Why We Love

Relationships, human intimacy, the basic nature of our sexuality and how that correlates, or doesn’t, to our personality structure has not been addressed much in the Enneagram world. Love, touch, and care, which bonds us, are now known to be fundamental to our survival and well-being and are aspects of human sexuality and intimacy. These deeply rooted needs, a part of our mammalian existence, are to be welcomed and explored.

At the end of the day, I say, “All there is, is love.”  And I fervently agree with that now-outdated song, “What the world needs now, is love sweet love.”  It’s the issue of LOVE itself that makes me so passionate about this material!  The material of self-study, of self-knowing, and of opening the heart.

It’s been incredibly fulfilling for me to work with individuals, year after year, in the Enneagram community. Each student accessing a genuinely receptive and open-hearted part of themselves, which then allows each and every one of us, as a part of the collective, to expand our understandings and possibilities. Most delightful to me is the depth of the work, the power of the guided interactions, and the blending of Enneagram process and method with didactic content. I’m so grateful for the opportunity I have had, across my career, to witness the opening in others and the willingness to grow.

But it’s time now to acknowledge the pink elephant in the room: How opening our hearts leads to our capacity for intimacy and a deepened experience of our own sexuality.

In my new book to be completed in 2016, “The Nature of Intimacy and Our Sexuality: The Basis of Human Well-being,” I share my years of interviews that include the intimacy enhancements and diminishments by Enneagram type, the antidotes, how to develop true intimacy, the generic male-female differences, the key difference between sensuality and sensuousness, the myths about our sexuality, and much more.

Here in this section of my website, I cover some of the basics of our neurobiology, how it ties to our need for intimacy connection, and bonding, and what suffers within us when we are devoid of these fundamental feel-good, feel-loved experiences.

The 45 Combinations, Enneagram Types Relationships Matrix

Here’s two of the most repeated questions I’ve gotten across the years, “What Enneagram type should I marry?” “What Enneagram type gets along best with what type?”  I think the best answer is really this, “Two open-hearted, receptive beings, irrespective of type, will get along the best and have the best chance at a successful marriage.”

I’ve finally compiled a dynamic, relationships matrix for your perusal and use. Read about each of the types in relationship to any other type, including growth practices as well as the common pitfalls found in that given relationship. Visit the Relationships Matrix page.