The Enneagram, Love, and Relationships | The Importance of Love

Relationships, human intimacy, the basic nature of our sexuality and how that correlates, or doesn’t, to our personality structure has not been addressed much in the Enneagram world. Love, touch, and care, which bonds us, are now known to be fundamental to our survival and well-being and are aspects of human sexuality and intimacy. These deeply rooted needs, a part of our mammalian existence, are to be welcomed and explored.

At the end of the day, I say, “All there is, is love.”  And I fervently agree with that now-outdated song, “What the world needs now, is love sweet love.”  It’s the issue of LOVE itself that makes me so passionate about this material!  The material of self-study, of self-knowing, and of opening the heart.

It’s been incredibly fulfilling for me to work with individuals, year after year, in the Enneagram community. Each student accessing a genuinely receptive and open-hearted part of themselves, which then allows each and every one of us, as a part of the collective, to expand our understandings and possibilities. Most delightful to me is the depth of the work, the power of the guided interactions, and the blending of Enneagram process and method with didactic content. I’m so grateful for the opportunity I have had, across my career, to witness the opening in others and the willingness to grow.

But it’s time now to acknowledge the pink elephant in the room: How opening our hearts leads to our capacity for intimacy and a deepened experience of our own sexuality.

Here in this section of my website, I cover some of the basics of our neurobiology, how it ties to our need for intimacy connection, and bonding, and what suffers within us when we are devoid of these fundamental feel-good, feel-loved experiences.

The 45 Combinations | The Enneagram Types Relationships Matrix

Here’s two of the most repeated questions I’ve gotten across the years, “What Enneagram type should I marry?” “What Enneagram type gets along best with what type?” “What Enneagram type would I be most compatible with?” I think the best answer is really this, “Two open-hearted, receptive beings, irrespective of type, will get along the best and have the best chance at a successful marriage, partnership, or relationship of any kind.”

I’ve finally compiled a dynamic, relationships matrix for your perusal and use. Read about each of the types in relationship to any other type, including growth practices as well as the common pitfalls found in that given relationship. Visit the Relationships Matrix page.

The Final Book: The Enneagram, Relationships, and Intimacy

This is the book David was so passionately writing the last years of his life with colleague Suzanne Dion. This is a book about love, relationships, self-intimacy and couples intimacy. It’s about how to love better and how to get out of our own way when it comes to opening our hearts and allowing vulnerability. What tears us apart, nine ways, and what brings us closer?  This is the book David cared so much about writing. It’s available in bookstores and online:  The Enneagram, Relationships, and Intimacy, Understanding One Another Leads to Loving Better and Living More Fully.